Helping raise secure children

The world of today is constantly undergoing deep shifts. Our support systems are undergoing dynamic changes too. So it is for our children. In today’s world we as parents are the most important support and probably the primary support system of our children. Insecurities are age old and does not take time to seep in. It is during their childhood  years which is considered as the most important years for building and boosting  the morale’s.  Remember a secure child will be happier and more productive to the society and less likely to be a cause of disturbance to those around them. Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.

Today the wheels have turned we are playing the roles of parents. As a modern day educated mum it is always a good idea to revise our parenting methods lest we repeat the same mistakes which we at one time must have found abhorrent. Inappropriate praising or harsh discouragement call upon us to know when to zip it, our speech . Our remarks or sometimes those unconscious actions can cause havocs in the little minds and send confusing signals and raising doubts on their very own identity which can be a little sad if you come to think of it.

Nowhere am I implying that as parents we need to cater only to our child, to the extent where we create a bubble for our children filled with false impressions about themselves and a complete avoidance of the real world that they are very much a part of. The trouble is in overdoing on praises to the extent where the image which you hold in high esteem becomes the picture of perfection that our very own child must aspire towards. The harm is in taking it to the extreme.

  1. Firstly, we must look within. remind ourselves as parents that our children are a separate entity. Even though they were born of us, they are not the same as us. They are born with their own aptitude, interests and capabilities. We can help them improve it however we can not instil something which is not in them, already . Yes the secret to raising secure kids begin with us. It is time we first look within our self and explore our very own attitudes and expectations from our kids.
  2. There is nothing wrong with praising other kids in the presence of our very own children. However what you say is more important than you would ever care to realise. Be mindful of appreciating qualities which are universally positive. When we glorify universally positive qualities like hard work, honesty , truthfulness we know that they are goals which are achievable. However if we merely talk of beauty of fair skin or purely physical attributes, they start sending those confusing signals. That is something no child can acquire unless they already have it.
  3. Never forget to provide a positive appraisal of your own kids. There is no one else to show the young and innocent mind the mirror. Often in the  big wide crowded world  the positive qualities of our dear children become unbeknownst to them. From time to time provide a few positive reminders to boost their sagging morale’s, however of course beauty is in the balance and never in overdoing things. 
  4. Thirdly , have you ever examined if you are a parent with unrealistically high expectations. For instance you never minced words in conveying to them that you wanted them to live up to a certain image that you had in your mind of the perfect kid. Children are God’s blessings , they are not custom designed entities. Help them realise their own potential and not try to be the image that you have in your head. The key is to be satisfied, someday they will rub off onto your kids.
  5. Children are like gifts. We open the package to discover it. We must learn to love our gifts as they are , no complaints, no unrealistic demands.
  6. The lives of our children is like rivers , which will make its way, some slow some fast but push through they will and find their own way. The best we can do is to be their to support them in their journey and not impose our wills upon them because they do it best when they enjoy doing something.
  7. Last but most importantly all  children are secure when they are well loved. They are at peace when they know that their parents are there to provide them with unconditional love no matter what their talent may be -dazzlingly bright or a little lacklustre but always special and of course unique.

 

ch7c

 

 

 

 

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