Life was a lot about friendships. If not all about it. Whatever was the problem in life or whoever it was , it was not too difficult sharing it with that closest friend. She was your high school friend and there was not a secret between the two of you. It was a lot of fun too going for movies and outings quiet frequently and not to forget the innumerable phone calls. All your time was usually spent giggling and chatting. Usually without a reason nor a care.
Come married life followed by kids. Bang! All the dynamics change. At least even before the kids you have some time for those few outings, however with the advent of the kids you are better off tearing your hair out than giggling at sweet nothings on your phone. Its only when you have those kids that you realize how much you want to be their for your little ones. To be honest its not so much about want anyways, its a necessity , a demand of the hour. Life becomes a crazy scampering around behind the little ones with a set routine of unlimited tasks like bathing, cooking, feeding , cleaning poop and singing lullabies.
You are probably too tired by the end of the day to call up your friend and share their enthusiasms , answer their doubts or be a part of those impromptu adventures. You are usually too exhausted to be doing that. As for me as soon as my married life began , I got so immersed in the new developments of my family life that my connection with my friend began to gradually diminish. I would enlist the following broad reasons for the changes-
- a shift in the priorities
- change in lifestyles
- increasing responsibilities
- changing relationships and family support
- diminishing free time
Coming back to my school best friend, there seemed that there were quiet a few moments of discomfort in whenever it was that we spoke to each other. In those few honest moments I was accused of having changed, becoming self-centred and generally not a good friend . In short I was just not the same person anymore. These were accompanied with a few emotional outbursts too. I was a tad too confused as to how to address this since it was beyond my control. I felt being misunderstood however in my hearts I knew that It was simply not in my control. To any such friend who is feeling left out so , there is a few things I would like to let you know.
- Yes of course your married friend has a new confidante in their life ; but of course the emotional dynamics are bound to change
- Sometimes we might be living with other family members too (or in- laws) ; It is quiet the norm in certain cultures like the Indian culture
- We are not the same person who had loads of reserves of energy ; at times I am too engaged to be doing other things
- At times we are too emotionally consumed to be able to strike up a conversation on the phone with you or anyone else for that matter
- Married life is not a fairy tale world but a new challenge I am busy trying to get accustomed to
- I know that you are confused about the changes that you see in me or your friend but believe me we are more confused than even you are;
- At least the first year of marriage is no smooth sail for most of us..
- Even If I call you up after days It in no way means that I do not think of you
- Despite having a family I do need my friends ; of course I need my best friend’s support too, even though I am not talking to you everyday.
- Most importantly I know it is difficult but I expect you try to understand me
No matter how many huge promises that we make at the time of leaving High School of never ending friendships and promises to meet every once in a month. The fact of the matter remains that with time the greatest of relationship suffers setbacks and change in Dynamics for the better or the worse. Its not your or anyone else’s fault. Its because Life happens…
As for my best friend finally she got married . As for her presence it is nowhere to be found. Perhaps she departed for a life on another planet. Just kidding 🙂 , she is happily married and although we rarely talk , whenever we talk its like we hardly lost contact. That would be sufficient for a successful friendship if you manage to keep in touch !